out of touch

I feel completely out of touch here lately. And by lately I mean yesterday and today. I am just so irritable as soon as I walk in the door. I am so unhappy with my life. I am lazy and I hate being that way. Is self loathing enough motivation for me to get off my ass and do something of course not. I would rather sit in bed and type my problems on my blog and pretend that someone actually reads this shit. I pretend to be happy most of the time. I don't really like it here in Houston because I am alone. I have no one to hang out with on a regular basis. And I am not the type of girl to invite myself along places. I wish I could be content with my life but sadly I am not. All it would take is a little bit of effort on my part but even that seems like too much. I would like to have the place clean for tomorrow but I doubt it will happen. It is just so easy to ignore. And chili gets on my nerves she never wants to play with me or just sit by me and let me pet her. This has been a hard year and the difficulties are no where near over. Sigh...how am I going to change this around. You know what is sad? So very truly sad? I am typing this on my blog because I know no one reads it so I don't have to hear the half hearted "It will get better"s from my crap friends. They don't understand. I am so alone. So very alone.